Hi
Long time no talk.
I know no one reads this blog. But i feel like one day if someone discovers it, maybe someone will understand.
I've realized looking at the old posts that i have changed.
Greatly.
I'm not the girl I used to be. Some parts of me are better. I'm not obsessed with whats not important, but i lost that part of me that was inspired, the part that believed. The part which made greater than what i was.
I was different. I was inspired, I was....happy. I wasn't where I was academically but I was happy. I believed in miracles I didn't give in to hardships.
Music used to be what I loved the most. Now it's like reality is coming clear and my eyes have been opened. But the thing is that I don't want to be like this.
A part of me still believes in my dream. Sometimes I get really depressed at night. The pain is almost tangible. Like someone putting a stake through my heart. I can feel it my gut. The kid is gone and I don't wanna grow up. I don't wanna leave home in two years, I don't wanna live alone. As much as I want to make my Mom and Dad happy and proud of me.But that's half the reason why i do this. Why i try to get good grades. Why i give up my social life, my old self. Why i take SAT classes.
Part of it is that I really want to get somewhere in life. The other smaller part is for them.
I feel more alone than ever.
Then there's my non - existent love life. No progress. Liked the same guy for over year. Not cool enough or whatever enough to probably be with him.
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